welling with tears

Rain was falling from the sky and from the eyes of many today as we gathered for a memorial service at Good Shepherd. The woman who died a few weeks ago was remembered today by her family and friends. This was the first memorial that I assisted in and sang for. Nearer my God, to Thee got sung for the second funeral since my arrival. The classical style reminds me of voice lessons at MSU. It's fun to sing phrases with dynamics and a ton of vibrato! I'm an opera singer wanna be sometimes. We watched a slide show of photos from her life while listening to Vivaldi. I chuckled inside to think how hard it'll be to do this at my funeral. I only have 30,000+ photos on my hard drive to choose from! Her son read her eulogy, read cards, and told stories. Occasionally, he got choked up. So did I. After all my hours of CPE, I was worried I had become immune to sadness and grief, so it was really a pleasant surprise to feel the sorrow he felt at that moment. Plus, seeing a 70+ year old man tear up when talking about his mother just yanks at my heart strings. Bob shared a few memories, and Dave gave the homily. He too got choked up while speaking, as he just lost his father 2 weeks ago, and is still grieving his personal loss. I can't imagine so many funerals in one week. Not to mention one of them being a parent. My eyes began welling up with tears with him, I tried going to a different place in my mind, just so I'd have my composure when he was done. He ended strong and up I went. What a different crowd to be leading. Much different than Sunday morning. I led the creed, commendation, a prayer, benediction and sending. I pre-scripted my prayer before the service because I had this sense that people would be listening super carefully to each word I said and I didn't want to babble. When one of the family members came up to me after and said, "Gosh, I know I should've been listening to what you were saying, but couldn't get over how cute your shoes are!" I knew my sense was way off! :) I should've done the extemporaneous thing after all! The family made a wise decision in choosing Rascals for the lunch meal. Chicken teriyaki bowl for me! With extra sauce of course!

When I got home, the mist was still falling, so I grabbed an umbrella, my camera, and headed outside to see what kind of images I might find. The long spike-like plants here have beautiful leaves. The water beaded up inside in a perfect line. Flowers were welled up with tears of water as well. Individual drops waited to fall from the petals. Perfect funeral weather.

I've been getting e-mails from relatives concerning my Great-Aunt Francis as she's been sick lately and undergoing chemo. So, I wrote her a card, and left it sitting on my desk for 3 days before I finally bought a stamp for it. I sent it out 2 days ago, and got a call today from my dad saying that she had died. Let this be a lesson to me. Say what needs to be said sooner than later. I'm sad I didn't send it when I originally wrote it. She definitely didn't get the card in time.

After an afternoon long web-cam conversation with Kev, I got picked up for a hot date with Sue Labate. It turned out to be another night of overwhelming kindness. Sue invited me to a second round of card making with her and her teaching friends. Gosh, those ladies are the nicest people ever. The woman who leads the creative fun put our names in a bag for a number of drawings. We each won a personal stamp for the backs of our cards, and then my name was drawn for a five piece birthday stamp set! So cool! After Sue dropped me off, she called me to say that the hostess had secretly given her an alphabet stamp set to give to me as well. Such generosity! I'm looking forward to getting back to MN to my stamping supplies so I can use these new toys. There's another young woman in the group who is my age, and truly has one of the kindest spirits I've ever witnessed a person to have. My mission for this week: to get her number, call her up, and invite her to do something. She's awesome! So, I've got 5 new Valentine/love cards to give away, and more gratitude for the invitations to spend time with others. Thanks to Sue for her incredible welcome and for demonstrating true generosity.

i love you

Sometimes I get to the end of a day and ask myself, "was there anything worth blogging about?" Even when I try really hard not to write (as I've become a little obsessed with writing) I can't help but jot down a few notes from the day.

I was browsing through my external hard drive tonight and decided to look back and see exactly what I was doing a year ago today. It made me laugh to see that Kevin and I were in Las Vegas this time last year. I had just gotten back from Guatemala, we hopped on a plane 1 day later and headed to Sin City. We spent a week there seeing old friends, enjoying my first 7 eleven Slurpee, hitting up the strip, and dancing! Ok, this isn't what I felt compelled to write about. On to the good stuff.

Growing up, my family didn't have a video camera, so there are absolutely NO videos of me from childhood. What my voice sounded like, what my mannerisms were, what kind of attitude on life I had--mysteries to me. This morning, I was putzing around on facebook and saw that a grade school classmate of mine had uploaded a video entitled: "3rd Grade Christmas Program Central Elementary." He and I were in the same class somewhere in grade school. Was it third grade? Let's see. So, I watched the video and just about fell out of my chair when I saw little me in 3rd grade. I had a speaking part in the program, did all the choreography (why am I not surprised about this one?), and seemed surprisingly shy. The turtleneck and red skirt, I can remember arguing with my mom about the outfit. I thought it looked too grown for me. What I should've been arguing with her about was my nasty bowl cut hair-do! GROSS! Either way, an instant message went out to my class mate thanking him for putting it up. I'm grateful that Channel 3 in Worthington, MN taped these moments in time, and even more grateful he converted it to a digital file and shared it. I feel like rushing out and getting a video camera right now just so I can document what's happening in life since it seems to slip by in seconds.

We had run-through tonight for worship. It rocked. That's all I can say. You're gonna wanna be there on Sunday!

Tonight I painted my fingernails to match my Crazy Love book. I seem to grab for it at the most random moments, and the words sink deep within me. It's almost as good as the Bible for that kind of thing. The chapter I read got me thinking about love. What is it? What does it mean to say "I love you" to someone else? I say it all the time. When someone is leaving, when I'm getting off the phone, when I'm signing a card. I'm even known to get a little perturbed when someone doesn't say it to me. But what does it matter if they say it or not? Does it change the love I have for them? Nope. Not the slightest.

A few weeks ago I heard a sermon about love. I loved the way the preacher said, "Love is to live in the best interest of someone else." Maybe you should read that twice. Here, I'll write it again, just to help you resist the urge to not listen to me: "Love is to live in the best interest of someone else." So, if I say it and write it all the time, am I really loving them if I don't have their best interest at heart? Maybe I ought to stop saying it so much if it's become a habit rather than a commitment to truly love them.

If anyone says, "I love God," yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. And he has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother. 1 John 4: 20-21

This verse is a blessing and a curse all at the same time. Sometimes people drive me crazy. I wouldn't go so far as to say I hate someone, but truly, some people are just darn hard to love. But I need to love them. I mean, it was commanded to us after all, "love your neightbor as yourself." Not loving them is not loving God. Imagine if we all loved and thought as highly of one another as we do ourselves? That'd be some serious lovin' going on! Kevin and I make hearts out of our two hands. I'm trying to learn to love people with the image in mind that they constantly have their half of the heart extended to me. To complete the heart with my hand, I need to live in the best interest of them, to love them the way I love God, so that we can both be empowered by the force of God's love that blows through the center.

pile of human pretzels

My second morning in a row at Bally's. This time we went earlier. 7:00 to be exact. The crowd was a little different. No inauguration to draw us to the TV's. Instead, a broadcast church service with an African American preacher talking about the fruit of the spirit. Only, no one was watching it. Eyes were deep in magazines, gawking at other folks, even eyes closed. No one wanted to watch church. Gee, imagine that.

Yes, I wore my Chaco's to work. Funny, they've become the first thing I put on in the morning. I'm still walking around in a towel with a wet head, but by golly, I've got my Chaco's on! I used the morning and afternoon to get a lot of work done. Sermons, e-mails, meetings & event planning.

I was able to scoot out of the office early so that Kelly, Amy and I could drive up to Azusa to pick up Bobby and the boys for our second attempt at snowboarding. The 405, the 105, the 610, the 210, every possible freeway in CA, we took it on our way out. 3:00 is not a good time to leave town. Luckily, the carpool lane was fast and furious, so we hopped in and cruised on out. Bobby and his 4 roommates (5 boys) live in a 2 bedroom apartment at Azusa Pacific University. Talk about a bachelor pad. The smell of pipe smoke, video games, computers, and smelly boys created a sensory overload. They even had a throne of VampEnergy Drinks in the kitchen, so us girls took a moment to sit on it so they could all hail the queens! :)

We hit the road for Mountain High, and took the same road that I took when I drove into LA. I haven't been that far out there since I got here. Seeing signs for Vegas, snow capped mountains, desert like areas, and McDonald's for supper. Mmmm...McDouble and a McFlurry, do you think they're overdoing the "Mc" thing a little?

We arrived at Mountain High around 6:00. With one glance at the hills, my stomach dropped. They looked steep, and I've never snowboarded before. But luckily, I would be right at home...skiers were definitely the minority. 95% of the people out were snowboarders. The parking lot was full of colorful jackets, boards, hats, and people. What fun. After getting our lift tickets, Bobby took us over to the bunny hill for a quick lesson. I just about died getting on the magic carpet...it's hard having your feet strapped in. At least with a skateboard you can hop off. Not so with a snowboard. Amy and I eventually got the hang of it. But not until after bruising our knees, tailbones, and just about breaking our wrists. Even on slushy snow, the falls were hard. Kelly skied, and was way more stable than the two of us, so she shot some "Kelly-Kam" videos on Amy's camera. Talk about a couple of rookies! The best moment of the evening: Amy and I were riding on a chair lift together to the highest (and last) run of the night. Kelly was in the chair behind us. As we're nearing the top, we notice how steep the hill down from the chair lift is. We were both saying, "Oh crap!" I'm laughing as I write this...we put our boards down on the snow, start going down the hill, I start falling, grabbed Amy, and took her down with me. Amy was on her stomach and I was on top of her right at the base of the chair lift drop off. Well, here comes Kelly right behind us. She sees us down, tries to stop and can't, so she lays down to try and stop herself and runs right into the two of us. A 3 person pile up. Kelly managed to get her ski back behind her head all twisted, so basically, we're a pile of pretzels at this point. Then, the chair lift operator has the nerve to walk out of her little cave and says to us "you need to hurry up and get out of the way! there are other people coming up the chair lift!" WELL, STOP THE CHAIRLIFT LADY! Nope. She let it run, came out to pick up some stuff on the snow, and didn't even lend us a hand. So, Kelly had to untangle herself while we put our bones back in socket. Gosh, I can't stop laughing.

We spent so much time on our butts, hands and knees, my gloves were completely soaked through. I was able to ring them out and watch about a 1/2 cup of water drain from them in between runs. The water had soaked all the way through my 3 layers of pants. But, by the end of the night, we had gotten quite good. Cutting back and forth across the hill. I was still suffering the occasional wipe out, but was doing it gracefully. Amy had learned to go 80 mph down the hill. Not quite ready to stop yet, so there was a fun wipe out to watch at the end of each run. What a great night! The snow, new friends, and wet butts were refreshing! I'm ready to go again!

There's a good chance I am running low on lactic acid. After surfing, playing volleyball, working out, and snowboarding all within a week, there are no more muscles left to surprise. I'm one ball of tired. I just finished writing a worship theme document that I forgot to do. It's 3:00 a.m. and I need to go to bed. What a day!

many many milestones!

Watching President Obama's Inauguration via captions at Bally's this morning just didn't do it for me. I could hardly workout. I was glued to the TV, trying to take in each word he said. But I wasn't alone. The treadmills, ellipticals, and bikes were packed full of people who didn't lower their eyes for a second from the big screen. When I got home, Jane was manning the TV as well, and luckily recorded it so I can actually hear what he said. What a huge milestone for our country. The hope, anticipation, energy, and achievement makes me so proud.

I took a look at the calendar today and realized something, not only was this a milestone for Obama and the US, but for me as well. Today marks my official half way point in this internship. 5 months from now, I'll be loading up Vera and heading back to MN. Where has the time gone?

And if that's not cool enough, Kelly and I hit up Pinkberry (her first time--imagine that, I introduced her to something new in CA!), then we hopped in the car, drove all the way to Whittier, CA so I could make a purchase that I'd been anticipating for 2 years...ever since I met Hannah. I am the proud new owner of a pair of Chaco sandals. I found them on Craigslist, had to drive 30 miles to get them, but only paid $30 for a brand new pair! The woman selling them was very kind and boy was I glad to take them off her hands! I'm ready to do some serious hiking when Hannah gets here! Kelly and I are making another early morning run to the gym, so I gotta get to bed. I wonder if I can wear my Chaco's on the treadmill??

4 hours!

No, it's not what you think! Not in meetings, sermon writing, or preparing for a class. 4 hours playing sand volleyball on the beach! This morning I rode my bike down Torrance Blvd. (on the sidewalks, because I don't have a helmet) and hopped on the bike path that can take you all the way up the coast. I didn't ride up the coast, just down to Redondo Beach where I spent the next 4 hours playing the sport I love most! The Coco's are a family from church who love to play, and I've been begging them to call me when they go. So, today was the day! It was so hot and humid. We won some, lost some, and made some great new CA friends. The were a fun group to play with. All the other players are super tan from playing, and I'm still looking like an albino (without a six pack). So, I held off shedding my shirt until I couldn't take it anymore. I never expected using sunscreen in the middle of January, but I did today after there were noticeable tan lines from my shorts and bra. I can't keep my hair dark either. The sun we've had these last two weeks is lightening it so much. I use dark brown Aveda conditioner that deposits color in it so it doesn't turn blonde, but the sun is too powerful. Good problem to have, I guess. Oh, and the dolphins and surfers were out in full force all day long. I couldn't believe how the waves held up for hours.

Like mother, like daughter, I got a headache from all the sun exposure (I drank tons of water, so don't even go there), so came home to take a quick nap that quickly turned in to a 3 hour deep sleep. I guess I needed that. My head is still hurting despite the web-cam head massage and hug Kevin gave me. It was a good try. Thanks, love. Time for a technology break. Adios!

butterflies on a string

With each minute, my eyelids are growing heavier and heavier. Rather than reaching for the lamp cord, I reach for my book and read a chapter that will likely having me dream wildly tonight. "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan (though only two chapters in) has got my mind crankin' on these issues of life. Here's a passage I found interesting tonight:

"In about fifty years (give or take a couple of decades), no one will remember you. Everyone you know will be dead. Certainly no one will care what job you had, what car you drove, what school you attended, or what clothes you wore. This can be terrifying or reassuring, or maybe both."

I could die at any moment. I could've died trying to take this picture of a flat tire while oncoming traffic (in a foreign country) were flying by. All it would've taken was one jerk of the wheel by the driver of the truck to ram into our van and crush me under the wheels. But it didn't. I'm still alive. But for how much longer?

Chan goes on to talk about life as a movie. We think we're the ones in the spotlight--the stars of the movie. But we're not. Think about it. All that's happened before us, and all that may happen after we're dead is evidence that we're one unseen extra in the cast of the movie. Our part in the show is one fraction of a second, yet we're so thrilled to be in it, we invite everyone we know to the opening night to point our our huge part in the movie. Only, it's not huge at all. It's so small, people walk out of the theater in disgust of our arrogance. Our part in the movie of life is microscopic. God is the main character. God is the only one who has been around long enough to keep the show on the air. So, why are we walking around like it's all about us? But, God, what should we do with this ridiculously small part we've been given in the movie? "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God" -1 Cor. 10:31.

Our existence in this world is as fragile as a vapor. John Piper also speaks of this in his book "Life as a Vapor." I was given this book by my long time friend Beth Schulze a number of years ago. "What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while then vanishes" -James 4:14. A year ago at this time I was in Guatemala on a cross cultural trip with some friends from seminary. This vapor talk reminded me of some butterflies we saw hanging from a string. With one flick of the string, they would fly away. Vanish. The next day they'd be back hanging in the same place on the string. We vanish alright. Only, we don't get a chance to fly back the next day. Our time is so short. With one flick of the string, we'll be gone. How does that change the way you'll live tomorrow?

national day of service

13 people in the service mood hit the Avenues this afternoon for some beach clean-up. It's all part of Obama's National Day of Service. Four families (two of them who were not affiliated with GS) and I grabbed large trash bags and got to work picking up the beach. I love meeting new people. Two of the kids were 10th graders who were really excited about volunteering, and wanted all the information they could get on future events. Even the kids pitched in by grabbing what little pieces of trash they could spot. We were all rewarded for our efforts when a dolphin swam in within 30 feet of the beach to meet us. Everyone crowded around to see it. The 75 degree day, light breeze off the ocean, and people galore made it a spectacular event. And really, it felt so good to be a part of something bigger than Torrance, CA. Knowing that other people around the country were partaking in some type of service project made it even more meaningful. I was extra impressed by the parents who didn't just send their kids to work, but got their hands dirty too. What a great example they are setting for their children! It was so easy to do too: Kevin told me about the NDS on Tuesday morning, I had an event set up by Tuesday afternoon, and people started signing up within hours of the posting. It's amazing to see how fast people got on the site and registered. I'm especially grateful for the GS people who came with and got to know the new families. Thanks to all who helped out in making our beach an even greater place to be!

I took some time this afternoon to do some deep cleaning at home. I vacuumed, swept, put away clothes, and even made my bed. It's nice walking into a room that's organized. I didn't drink enough water at the beach this afternoon, and managed to get a migraine, so I took a 45 minute siesta before heading to White Elephant Bingo at church. I wasn't sure what to expect when I arrived, but was thrilled to see 50 people gathered in the Community Life Center for an evening of fun. A table full of wrapped white elephant gifts had us all eager to play. Round after round, people were winning, winning again, and again...but not me. People were opening every random gift you can think of: candles, ceramic figurines, plates, food, household junk, maybe it was ok to let the others win. With less than 10 gifts left everyone at our table had prizes, except me. :( So, when Dena won for a second time, she sent me up to the table to get my own prize. I grabbed a purple bag, expecting to find a stuffed chinchilla inside. Instead, I wound up with the coolest gift of the night: PHOTO COASTERS! You can insert your own photos! Perfect for me! I let out a loud cheer as I opened them...they must have thought it was a $100 bill or something. Better than that. One woman's junk is Amber's treasure! I was reminded of the generous nature of the people here in a variety of ways: Dena's gracious offer to let me pick a prize, seeing other people give up their prizes to those who hadn't won anything, and the ladies of the congregation who made yummy brownie sundaes for everyone there! What a wonderful event and a great way to end the week!

nude beach, ca

An innocent hike down to Abalone Cove turned into a free peep show for Amy and I as we came upon a man bathing in the water. He was African American, with dark skin, so it was hard to see him in the shaded water. I pointed him out to Amy just so she wouldn't be startled as we got closer. A few steps further and we asked each other, "is he wearing any clothes?" Still, the dark skin made it hard to see. Within a few seconds, the man turned sideways and the mystery was solved: HE WAS NAKED! Amy and I looked at each other, a little frightened (as there weren't many other people out at the cove), so we hurried by him, and of course, shot a photo from a distance later. :) If you look closely in the photo of Amy, you can see him in the background walking on the rocks. I couldn't see how he was standing until I got home and checked out the photo on my computer

The water was beautiful, cold, and refreshing. High tide made the tide pools non-existent, so we made the best of the view and the climbing opportunities. Lots of natural rock walls had me climbing high (in a dress). Only, it's much harder to go down than it is to go up without the proper rock climbing stuff. Lesson learned--keep climbing until you reach the top. It's safer than going down. We saw some dolphins and seals from the shore also. Catalina was visible in the distance and had this amazing white haze along the bottom of it. It was definitely worth the trip up to PV. Great memories of naked men and beautiful rocks.

After a 7 week hiatus, I went back out into the water this afternoon for a surf session. Everyone was out there. The beach was full of people swimming, playing volleyball, riding bike, in JANUARY! Thank you, God! I got up on my board a few times, and wasn't too dog tired by the end. All those push-ups have been paying off.

The only way to make this day any better: dinner and a show with a hot date. Kelly and I hit up Rascals and then went to the West High School dance show "RAWH." One of the high school girls from GS was in the advanced class, and was so fun to watch. Lots of high schoolers screaming and cat calling made the evening even more enjoyable.

Remember those Rainbow flip flops I got from Kevin for Christmas? Well, I was concerned they were too small, so I left them with Kevin and asked him to exchange them for me for a larger size. They're expensive sandals, so I didn't want to keep them if they were going to be too small. Well, after I ran to the mall to try on a larger size, I realized they were the right size. Kev said he'd send them back. Well, today is our 20 month anniversary so Kevin told me to be sure and check my mail at church. I followed the mail woman into the door and found the package he spoke of on the bottom of her stack. Not only was there one package, but TWO. A large brown box sitting on my desk (it had been delivered by UPS earlier), it said it was from Nordstrom. I was confused. I didn't order anything from Nordstrom. So, I ripped open the brown box to find a pair of black rainbow flip flops!! Kevin had exchanged them for me! But, wait, what was in the small box that came USPS? I opened it and found the pink Rainbows in there. TWO PAIRS OF RAINBOWS! When I called Kevin to get the scoop he said, "my California dove deserves two pairs of Rainbows." What a guy! Lucky me.

go kings go!

ticket to a LA Kings hockey game = $11.00

buying a carmel apple at the game = $6.00

parking in a creepy alley = $5.00

watching men kick the crap out of each other = priceless

There are some things money can't buy, for everything else, there's recycling money.

A few highlights of my day today:

1. I brought down all the recycling I've been collecting over the last month or so. Grand total for all that hard work...$5.62. Not quite what I was hoping for, but heck, it helped pay for a few groceries!

2. I sat in on a funeral planning session today (a first for me) and not only get to help out at the service, but get to sing the solo too. I've learned a lot this week about visitation and death. Valuable stuff.

3. I received an itinerary e-mail from Hannah confirming that she's coming to visit in a little over a month. Ooh, fun to be had for sure!

4. My friend, Brian (a hard core hockey fan) invited me to a Los Angeles Kings vs. Detroit Redwings game tonight at the Staples Center in downtown LA. I gotta admit, it was more fun than I thought it was going to be. I can see why people like it--especially guys. Men throwing punches every 3 minutes, half dressed women on "ice duty" skating around with shovels (every sport, seriously!), penalty boxes (aka "timeout"), and unruly fans shouting from the nosebleed section as if the players can hear them on the ice! They gave out free hats to the first 5,000 people. We were 5,001 and 5,002 so we just missed them. I tried not to mope throughout the game. I ended up losing an earring at some point in the night--perhaps when I turned into an unruly fan--so we ended up running down to the lost and found on our way out. No earring, but two free hats that had been left behind, so we scored two hats in the end!

hot lava cake

Wednesday = NO MEETINGS! I get really excited when I have a whole day devoted to getting work done with no two hour meetings. I spent the morning working from home, networking, planning, e-mailing. Then I went to work and realized something: I'm going to be here all night for the Ordinary Hero supper, I'm going to take a few hours for ME! So, I headed down to Redondo Beach, stopped at a bead store for a few things, then went down to the beach! People were sunbathing, some even in the ocean (though that's nuts, because without a wetsuit, it's freezing), others were walking and running. So, I did what anyone in their right mind would do--called up Kevin to say, "Guess where I am? Listen closely!" He's not the right one to call, because he's actually happy for me! I need someone who'll say, "No fair!" just to make me feel good! :)

On my way back to church, I ran into Goodwill. Found some awesome things! A new Tommy Hilfiger swimsuit with the tags still attached, a teal dress, and a COACH sunglasses holder that matches the purse I already have. It all cost me $10. I love bargains! I ran across this hot pink sweatshirt and just about bought it, but figured that I'm only going to be a Californian for 5 more months, so it wouldn't be worth it. Cute though!

Ellen asked me to take a few pictures of her daughter today for a school application. We took about 60 pictures in a matter of 20 minutes. When we brought them back to show Ellen, she was so happy with the way they turned out, she started crying. I'm so thrilled that God has given me the ability to use a camera. Steph was a doll and fun to photograph. I miss doing more of that. Maybe I should start advertising my business down here so I can do what I love more often. Lisa Strom taught me a few new photoshop tricks today (as you can see on the beach photos), so I've been putzing with that all night. I don't want to go to bed, because it's too fun to mess with! This could be bad!

Supper tonight was amazing. More meat and potatoes! Oh, and individual chocolate lava cakes with homemade whipped cream. Yes, please! A great celebration for all the hard work and vision people at GS have been supporting! It's awesome to see!