the "F" word

Could this day have been any more full? Doubtful. From 6:30 a.m. to 8:30 p.m. I've been doing one thing: Church. Take away the 2 hours I had in between it all, I was at church or doing a church activity for 12 hours today. Needless to say, it's catching up with me.

I worked on my sermon last night until about 10:30, and then decided there was only so much I could do. Really, I could stay up all night fine-tuning it, changing this and that, but I'm slowly learning there's a time when it becomes necessary to say enough is enough. I turned the light off, and tossed for the next hour and a half. The alarm went off at 5:30, and I had a headache. Already things aren't going right.

I preached the 8:00 service this morning. Of all the texts I've preached on at Good Shepherd, this was the hardest one for me.

'I am the true vine, and my Father is the vine-grower. He removes every branch in me that bears no fruit. Every branch that bears fruit he prunes to make it bear more fruit...I am the vine, you are the branches. Those who abide in me and I in them bear much fruit, because apart from me you can do nothing. Whoever does not abide in me is thrown away like a branch and withers; such branches are gathered, thrown into the fire, and burned.' John 15

I felt so conflicted about the fire part. Yesterday, Kevin and I spent 45 minutes hashing out the text, asking questions, and trying to figure out why I felt the way I did. It says whoever...meaning people. I don't think Jesus is trying to freak people out here, but ultimately generating a sense of urgency. How do I preach about this? There came a point where I heard myself say in frustration, "I don't want to be a pastor." Not sure where that came from. As I write this entry now 24 hours later, God is clearly pointing me in the direction of ministry. The problem I'm grappling with is that I've become more of a law preacher. There's plenty of good news in the sermon, but I focus so heavily on the law. What's up with that? Does it have something to do with my Missouri Synod upbringing, by the pastors who influenced my teenage years (prior to Pastor Bob Schulze), my family life? Sheesh, beats me. I worry that my message will be heard too harshly, and without a good amount of hope at the end. How do you preach about the urgency of the message without seeming pushy, or rough?

The sermon delivery went well. Nerves were fairly tame, a little more extemporaneous at parts (the parts where I couldn't find my place on my manuscript), wild gestures, and a few word vomits here and there. The ITF was present and supportive as usual. These familiar faces at each preaching gig give me an extra boost of confidence. By the time it was all over, my headache had grown into a migraine. I popped a few tylenol , sat through the second service, and felt so nauseous I thought I might throw up, but managed to make it through. I spent 11:00 lying on the couch upstairs while listening to the service until it was my time to go lead. I think it's time to start getting migraine medicine if this keeps up.

No time to rest, it's time to BE THE CHURCH! It's a quarterly thing around Good Shepherd where growth groups make it a point to actually get out into the community and be the church. Our young women's growth group decided to make baked goods and deliver them to local fire stations as a way of saying 'thank you!' Cupcakes, brownies, cookies and cake! How fun to deliver such wonderful treats! We had a blast. Two different fire stations gave us tours, and one place even gave us a ride around the block in the fire truck!! There were a few little girls who joined us. I'm not sure who was more excited, them or me! We rode shotgun, and I got to honk the horn! I tried on the special hat. So...I'm a 5 year old, what can I say? A Torrance junior fire fighter and police officer sticker completed the day of fun!

A definite fire theme for today. Still trying to figure out what to make of that.