not afraid to be me

5:00 a.m. call from Lea. She has the flu. Let the scramble begin.

I didn't get back to sleep after that. All I could think about was how I was going to pull off the special without a pianist. So, I did the unthinkable. I PLAYED MYSELF! I'm happy to say, it went well. Even happier to say, it's over! :) We focused today on debt. Greg freezed his credit card in a block of ice and really reinforced what I've been feeling about spending for a long time. It's so silly that we have to buy peoples love at Christmas with gifts. I'm sad that gift giving (for some people) is the only thing they can think about when it comes to this time of year. How do you break into a persons heart on these matters in a way that still communicates care, but also communicates your new sense of gift giving? Being a student/intern with a minimal amount of money, it's become so real to me that some people want a gift so badly, they don't care what it costs the other person. This is so stupid! I loved his idea of a cash free Christmas. Which is too late for me considering I already spent $350 on a plane ticket home. Even as a person whose love language is gifts, I still have enough common sense to draw the line. No gift is worth getting if it means financial hardship for someone else. So, this is the song I chose to sing today. I felt it really digs deep on the matter of personal transformation and freedom.

Not Afraid To Be Me
By: Kendall Payne

I’ve got a new way of living now a little less of a lot

A little more of nothing

Thought you might have seen the change in me

Little quicker to listen little slower to speak

I was wrong when I said I was strong

I am weak and I need All that you have to give
I cannot keep the voices quiet inside

Hear them sing hear the scream, at least I know I’m alive

I am meeting myself and

I am liking what I see

I am not afraid anymore
Not afraid to be bored

Not afraid to be me

Every battle leads to another war

Every day I’m reminded of what I’m fighting for

It’s never easy and it’s never the same

But it’s worth all I’ve got and so I’ll give it again

Now I don’t know why, I don’t know why

But it makes me want to cry, cry
I’ve got a new way of living now a little less of a lot

A little more of nothing

Thought you might have seen the change in me

Little quicker to listen little slower to speak.

It was cool to feed the worshippers today with my personal soul food. You've heard me mention Kendall in previous entries. She's a great singer from Los Angeles. I hope to hear her again at the National Pastor's Convention in San Diego.We changed all the worship songs last minute too, so Greg and I could play them and help lead. It was fun to play piano and minister from that side of the sanctuary. The band did an awesome job of picking up all the songs and playing their hearts out. It was fun!

Advent is upon us. We got to partake in the Advent Festival at church, by making wreaths, sharing a potluck supper, and worshipping together. For whatever reason, I thought they just handed us an artificial wreath and had us stick the candles in it, but NO! They used REAL greens, and each person got to decorate and fancy-up their wreath however they wanted to. Singing Advent hymns was a great way to begin the celebration. The kids were super into it. And Greg shared a funny little message that got everyone involved. What an awesome celebration!

Well, 5 church services in one day. And I'm spent! Time to get to bed. We're surfing early in the morning.