hello? God? is that you?

Prophecy and I have never been friends. I always told myself that God doesn't speak to me. At least not in an audible voice. Many people around me here at GS hear from God regularly. Why are they so lucky?

Last night I was joined a new growth group. I anticipated there to be 6-8 people there. Only 3 of us were able to make it. I got a little nervous that I might actually have to SAY something or contribute more than I expected to. The ladies leading the group are prayer warriors. I used to use this term loosely for people who could pray in hard situations. My definition has changed. A prayer warrior is someone who prays without ceasing. Every moment of gratitude, humility, sadness, joy is lifted up to God in prayer. I was in a room with TWO of them! :) Here's a picture of Carol and I from Mexico earlier this fall.

Carol opened with a word of prayer and then directed us to 1 Corinthians 12:3 Therefore I tell you that no one who is speaking by the Spirit of God says, "Jesus be cursed," and no one can say, "Jesus is Lord," except by the Holy Spirit. Great scripture. I had no idea what to make of it. Well, to make a long story short I came to the new realization that I'm not working on my own. Ever. The Holy Spirit is working through me even when I intentionally leave God out. And, I could never speak of Jesus as Lord if the Holy Spirit wasn't working through me.

But it still made me wonder why God doesn't say anything to me. We began to share about working and resting. I just about shared a story about something I learned from Steve Cockram, but the prayer warriors took over, so I didn't bring it up. Carol lead us in a time of listening. The only thing I could think about while I sat there in silence was the words of The Magnificat. Over and over. Which, wasn't surprising, I'd been listening to it on repeat all day. "God, can't you say something other than that? The Magnificat is my own thought, say something different to me!" Later on, in the same conversation, I asked them the question, "How do I know if God is talking to me?" Carol asked what I sensed God was saying to me while I was silent. I explained that the words of The Magnificat were on repeat, and no matter how hard I tried to listen for God, I was stuck on repeat. Then a pearl of wisdom came spouting from her mouth. "God often says to you what you wouldn't say to yourself. That's how you know it's God." Well, I didn't want that song stuck in my head. But, God knew I needed to memorize it for the dance on Sunday. There may be some truth to this after all.

Carol ended by saying she had a strong sense of a Psalm that she wanted to share. Psalm 119. The moment she said that, a huge smile came across my face. I let her read it, while trying to keep my giddiness inside. She finished and I had to tell her: I was going to say something about Steve Cockram, working from resting earlier, but didn't. Psalm 119 is the one he read as we began huddling, and it made our huddle the best it's ever been. If I would've blabbed about it earlier, it wouldn't have had as much meaning. God was speaking to me to keep my mouth closed, and was revealed to me later at a moment when God knew I would be doubting God's words for me. I hear you now, God. Thanks for speaking to me.

Oh, and as if that wasn't cool enough. I got the most heartwarming message today from David Upton. Who? Remember the "drance" I did in September? The song that I sang was a David Upton original. I posted the video on youtube, and he apparently came upon it. He made the video one of his favorites and subscribed to my future postings! This is the awesome comment he wrote beneath the video.